Am I not enough as an artist?
Few people would actually listen to the vision. As an Artist, your perspective about everything is very creative. Which means you don’t have the precise words to explain how you feel. Unless in a song or a painting.
Thoughts, these thoughts rush through your mind more times than the guy next door asks, “How are you doing.” These words come out of everyone. Sadly, mostly a formality. But the real question is. “HOW ARE YOU DOING?” Good? Let’s see how good. Walk with me.
Am an artist too. I sing beautifully I believe. Am not exactly sure about article writing but, you could tell me about it. If you came across something I wrote. I think the comment section, also my DM work.
I wanna be more, I crave it every day. I know you go through it too. That and a bunch of other things you don’t talk about. Few people would actually LISTEN to the vision. As an Artist, your perspective about everything is very creative. Which means you don’t have the precise words to explain how you feel. Unless in a song or a painting.
Sometimes you try to speak your heart out But, the feedback is mostly insufficient, most would say unsatisfying. That is, they didn’t cut you short for whatever reason. You feel wasted, It’s frustrating. They don’t get you. Most don’t even try. Some of them are unconsciously unaware of the conversation you are having with them. They really have no frame of scale for someone who is an Artist. Even though they are listening. Anyway, For those who try, I recommend you find them and tell them to spread the spirit. There is a need, everywhere.
A person with some doubt but taking action is better than one with no doubt taking no action. Michael E. Angier
We went through so much trauma as kids. I grew up well learned how to ‘deal’ with my emotions, Or so I thought. I wasn’t dealing with much, if ever. The biggest problem, I didn’t even know there was a problem until later. Problems don’t always look or feel like a tsunami. So, I grew up innocent as ever. As a kid and as most Artists I assume.
The one thing that’s constant all through is the lack of appreciation. My dreams, my Art, my life, and without a doubt my calling. They don’t see what I see when I see Art. When I write a song or when I act those lines. I feel like heaven knows my name. But! These conversations always ended with “this is good but.” or worse even “Hii ndio maana unaanguka shule.” I grew up knowing art can only be second. I was constantly told of the consequences of following this path. Even as gifted as I am. I grew up knowing it’s not enough. That’s why you can’t bet on it 100%. Even though you know art is your happy place. It kills you! And guess what, It’s doesn’t get better when growing older.
Over the years. It slowly piles up. They still think you are wasting time. You begin to look back. Have you done something? Anything? The feeling is stronger. It gets scary. Then becomes a fear. This fear consumes you. It tags along for years. When at your worst. This fear makes you feel unheard, unseen, irrelevant, and Lost. like you made a mistake following your heart. Like you are wasting away. Stuck between losing something you shouldn’t be losing, and to be honest I don’t think you should ever lose it.
Creative as you are. You translate everything creatively. So creatively that even other creatives might not get you. In the race for inner peace, you lose yourself. You become your worst nemesis. You critic yourself beyond the safe line. You start recognizing your problems, your lacking, your weaknesses. While chasing your past successes. You begin to recognize other people’s successes. Current lifestyles, moments are captured on their social platforms. Forgetting that social media is not the real world. You get stressed, doubt begins to eat you up. Eventually, it becomes a routine. It affects how you see things, how you relate with people, how you live with yourself? Scared of expression, How do you even make your own Art.
Present at the edge,
Creative like a page,
Stuck in your head,
Painting in a cage.
Lonely, Alone, Scared.
But you don’t have to go there. No one ever does.
I have met so many of us doing Art. So have you. Deep down you know. This is what I want. Since the age of TV excitement. You never stopped. Unfortunately, we live in a society that doesn’t acknowledge our presence until we are making money. We live in a society that denies a child dreaming. I would go ahead and call it a toxic environment for any artist. But don’t forget, At the same time we are dealing with ourselves. Most of the wars come from within. We hurt more in imagination than in reality. We fight ourselves over everything, even in the most important of decisions like appreciating MY OWN ART, MY OWN SELF, LIFE.
It’s clear, it’s gonna take a while for the community to take us as seriously as they should. So don’t bet too much on them. Like a flag, they will follow the wind. Focus on you, your happy self, appreciate the time. Even diamonds take time. Your unique identity might save the world. Your Art is no less than. Never will you be like the other. So please, don’t deny us the truth. Appreciate life. Art is a reflection of time. so give us you.
It’s a new century. Express yourself like time has just begun.
I am Kahuni. African for days ✌🏾.